you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
