Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
