Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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