Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
