Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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