so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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