its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I checked into jail on foursquare
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
