Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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