If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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