singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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