Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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