I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
