I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
