Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
