You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
