i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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