Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
