Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
