Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
