She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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