Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
