I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
