I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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