i don't want you to think of me as your TA
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
