and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
