I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
