Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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