spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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