Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
