He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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