Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
