checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
