I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
