life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
