every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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