No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
