you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
