I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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