Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
