can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
