I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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