Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
