Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
