oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
