whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
