____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
