I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
