Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
