as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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