Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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