My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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