I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
