I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you win again, gameday.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
