Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
