If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
