R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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